As I exit the building, I notice how it’s a warm and sunny day. I see my beloved Nonni sitting on a structure, like a cement block, in a park. She is having a lively conversation on a cell phone (even though they were not common when she was living).“How strange,” I think. I have a good feeling when I see her. She’s wearing a pretty violet and blue dress…. As I greet her with a touch and a kiss, I can feel here, I can smell her. It all seems so real [taken from a segment of a dream logged in my dream journal in April 2020]. 

Just a couple weeks ago, I attended the 40th annual conference of the International Association for the Study of Dreams (IASD). This year the IASD held its annual conference in Ashland, Oregon. These conferences are a yearly highlight in my life. Not only do I learn about the latest in sleep and dream science, I also get to bond with my dream tribe (some of which I have known now for a decade). This interdisciplinary family of sorts is a rare treasure. These are people who I understand, and they understand me.  How precious to experience the freedom of partaking in open, nonjudgmental conversation about nonordinary states of consciousness, like lucid dreaming or profound healing dreams. Our time together at the conference extends beyond discussion, meaning that much of what we do is experiential. These are people who, while grounded in science, pay attention to their entire self: mind, body, and spirit. 

I was feeling excited leading up to the conference for those reasons and also because my proposal to lead an art-based workshop was accepted. The title was Honoring Deceased Loved Ones: Intersecting Visitation Dreams and Shrine-making, yet more specifically, how visitation dreams & shrine/altar-making act as a ‘feedback loop portal.’ Are you familiar with the term visitation dreams? Those who have experienced visitation dreams have described them as vivid, vibrant dreams with potency – they are not easily forgotten. Some say that they are left feeling like they have received a visit from a deceased person or spiritual being. Visitation dreams are much more than simply recalling a deceased person in a dream because with visitation dreams, sometimes important messages are shared. One of my most recent visitation dreams was in brilliant color and I could smell my loved ones and feel the texture of their clothing (as noted in the dream I shared above). We communicated without words. 

For more on visitations dreams, check out chapter 10 in my latest book Dream Medicine. 

In that workshop, I also shared how I got involved in shrine/altar-making in the first place. While my parents hung a shrine to Saint Mark in the backyard of our family home, my own first shrine was created to honor our family. Later, in 2004, a colleague and I began offering shrine-making workshops for children who had lost family members to addiction. Some years after that time, I introduced the shrine-making process into both group and individual psychotherapy sessions. Most recently, this has made its way into my dream-based presentations at conferences. So, I will say something on how I blended the two. It wasn’t so much my doctoral research on dreaming that led the way, as it was my personal experiences with memorable and impactful visitation dreams. Additionally, having listened to the visitation dreams of clients alongside witnessing the power of the shrine-making process, in the end I blended the two. 

The grief that comes with the death of a loved one must be processed, and not bypassed, if one is to remain psychologically healthy. Once that loved one is no longer in physical form we can maintain the connection through the dreaming-waking continuum. The shrine/altar can serve as a sacred space to pray, reflect, remember. It can also become a portal for communication, so the shrine/altar & the dream interact. For example, when a deceased loved one presented me with a rose in a dream, I placed a rose at her shrine as a way to say “I remember that rose you had for me in the dream. I was paying attention.” Or, if I’m desiring a dream visit, I can approach my shrine and leave an offering, a letter, or a gift meant for the deceased loved one I want to connect with. It’s a way to encourage another dream, like a special addition to a dream incubation process.

While I have used the terms shrine and altar interchangeably, there is a difference. So, this was discussed in the workshop too. I like participants to understand the contextual distinction so that it can inform their process and practice. Shrines are most often permanent structures that exist year-round. They might have been constructed as a way to honor, give thanks, and bond a family or community centered on someone, such as a saint or family matriarch. An altar may more often be a ‘working’ space. An altar might also serve as a sacred space for deceased loved ones to ‘hang out.’ Knowing this, an altar space might ‘open and close’ – that is opening when the altar is being tended to, and then close up when a cycle, time period, or work has been completed. Items or elements might change in/on an altar as consistent offerings are made.  Sometimes, jewelry once worn by the deceased may be present at the altar, alongside a favorite drink. Altars can also be ‘charged’ with more than decor, but intention. 

We began the 2 hour workshop with discussion and dream sharing on aspects related to what I’ve noted above followed by an individualized shrine-building activity. Workshop participants took their personal crafted piece home to further embellish, build on and work with. If you missed the recent workshop or have never attended one of my offerings, I will now provide  some ideas for getting one started on your own, so please read on.

First and foremost, always keep a record of your dreams, through either a hand-written or typed dream journal or even recorded voice memos. As for creating a shrine, there’s no right way or set way to begin. However, I’d suggest choosing a space that can be a dedicated area – so that pets, children’s hands, wind, what have you, won’t disturb the space. Next, consider your vision for the shrine – will it be a solo activity, or communal? Who or what will be center stage? What size is appropriate? Which colors are most meaningful? Does the shrine need to travel with you? If so, consider making the shrine in a wooden box or other solid structure. Some people keep their shrines very simple, while others are more decorative. Consider what you will need to create the basic structure. Will you need paint, glue, or nails? Gather your most important or most cherished altar items. I also think it’s nice to have space for an offering dish so appropriate items (even food or water) can be placed in it. Once you have a basic sketch or vision, begin the process of construction. Do the foundational parts first, then work your way toward adding details. Work slowly and with great intention. It’s also fine to take several days or weeks to do this. Take your time, please. Enjoy the process. After all, you are building such a meaningful creation! 

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In light, 

~Dr. Kim